I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
