I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
