Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
