i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
