I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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