She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
