She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
