I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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