Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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