My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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