I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
