I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
