no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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