I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
