she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
