my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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