She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
