dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
