we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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