Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
