I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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