Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
