Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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