We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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