He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
