If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
