closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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