I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
