Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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