she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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