I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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