fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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