New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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