so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
