I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
