very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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