She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize