btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
