BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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