morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
