it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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