Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's the barista slut.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
