If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
