This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize