Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
