I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
