Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
