Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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