how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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