dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
