i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
