You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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