i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
