Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
