you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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