Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
