When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
