Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
