Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
