he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
