so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
