My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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