Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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