i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
