There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
