i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
