Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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